The joys of Dad turning 40 years old means that he’s encouraged to go to the doctor for a physical. Combine normal Dad stuff, plus the specter of having your prostate and/or colon poked and your man may procrastinate. I did. I procrastinated three years and was only spurred to go to the doctor because of the birth of More Mojo and my failed Movember experience.
Our second son, AKA, More Mojo was born in October and I took part in Movember. If, by “took part in” you mean create a fundraising page then don’t shave for November, I was all over it. I was a horrible Movember participant, so to possibly make amends for that (and the fact that I was three years late..) I made the appointment with my doctor.
I made the appointment weeks in advance, so there was no way that I could weasel out. I also told my wife. That way she couldn’t enable my crafty ability to get out of any appointment that might require a shot or needle going into my arm.
When the doctor comes in the room they’ll ask you all about your family history. We were just chatting about my activity and he asked me to lower my pants and underwear. My doctor is very mellow. It was almost as if Barry White started playing, in a purely platonic way, and I was at ease with the world.
As he was checking out my testicles (I never thought I’d write those 7 words in a row), I was asking him what he was feeling for. It’s a self examination that any guy can do actually. You’re feeling for any nodules or bumps on what should be an otherwise smooth, oval shaped object. Just think of the classic Sesame Street song, One of These Things Is Not Like the Other.
“Oh, cool”, I said as I was about to get dressed. ‘Not so fast, we have to check out the other side’, he corrected me.
A prostate exam is not a colonoscopy. A colonoscopy is thin, flexible tube with a camera that’s guided up through the colon. A prostate exam is simply a finger that feels the prostate gland, looking for any bumps. Think back to the Sesame Street song, except the prostate exam you have zero chance of doing to yourself.
At your physical you’ll get a prostate exam. When I was preparing for mine I was oddly relaxed, still under the guise of my doctor Barry White. As he asked me to exhale my phone rang. ‘Talk about bad timing’, he dead panned. I let the phone go to voicemail.
My prostate was smooth and happy. However, he told me that a blood test is a more accurate way to determine if colon cancer will be a concern. The blood results didn’t have anything too alarming, but the doctor wants to see me again in a couple weeks. In the meantime he encouraged me to get some exercise and eat less fatty foods in hopes of lowering my cholesterol. My takeaway from a slightly high cholesterol level is that if Bruce Willis in G.I Joe has it then so can I.
In all seriousness, I’m working out several times a week now and will update after the next doctor’s appointment.