Fringe Pets

When I was a child the only pets I had were a pair of hamsters, two rabbits and a crow.

I don’t have many memories of the hamsters.  Actually I do have one memory of the hamsters.  I went down into the basement and one of them had eaten the other one.  Immediately I called out to my older sister, “Jenny, come quickly (insert hamster name here) is dead and (insert other hamster name here) has just killed him!!”  It was a hamster homicide in the Burley Basement, film at 11. Continue reading Fringe Pets

My sons’ seahorse loves John McClane

Baby Mojo sized up in clothing recently and I was culling all of small stuff into a pile that is bound for the attic.  While I was doing this I found a toy still in its packaging from when we received it at as a gift.  It’s a seahorse looking creature that has a pulsing light and plays nursery rhymes or classical music when you push its belly.

I thought nothing of it until later that afternoon when we were upstairs and he was in the middle of a mini meltdown during a diaper change.  The seahorse was the only thing within reach so I ripped off the packaging, placed it on his chest and pushed its’ belly to make the music start.

“Oh, cool, it’s playing the music from Die Hard “ I immediately thought.  Continue reading My sons’ seahorse loves John McClane

Sonic Youth of my loins

Mom and I are excited because Baby Mojo has found his voice.

Unfortunately that is not a singing metaphor; rather our eight month old has discovered that he can talk.  I’m all for talking;  don’t get me wrong, but an eight month old talks at one volume:  a very loud and punishing auditory dagger that would have Spinal Tap dialing it down from 11.

The screaming from our son usually happens when he’s being fed solid foods.  The red in his face, packaged full of baby rage is all treble, no bass; which seems to make the shrieks hurt that much more. 

Being a new stay at home dad I know that more challenging situations will arise.  To deal me with the sonic assault coming from our son’s pie hole I’m faced with a couple options. Continue reading Sonic Youth of my loins

Are you pregnant?

Ladies, most men know never, and I mean never ask outright if you are pregnant.  Having said that, lets detail a conversation I had at a popular big box store the other day.

I was in line to return some merchandise and there was one person in front of me who was about to finish when a second cashier walked up behind the counter.  When I got to the counter I heard the following conversation.

Cashier #2 said to #1:  Oh, if that happens again I’m going to go into premature labor right now.

Me:  Without looking up at the woman I said, “Oh cool, you’re pregnant, when are you due?”

Cashier #2:  “I”m not pregnant, do I look pregnant?”

Me:  I looked up at this point, suspecting something was amiss.  “I don’t know if you look pregnant or not.  I’m just responding to your statement that you may give birth right here”

Cashier#2:  “Oh, I can’t imagine having more than four children”

Cashier #1 to #2:  “You’re not right”

Grrrr…..If it was a court of law I would claim entrapment.  

Women always look like they’ve lost weight, are five years younger then we think they are and look skinny in that dress.   Oh, and your hot friend really isn’t attractive at all or prettier than you, I was just looking at the car over there.   Men know the answer to these questions without being asked.

“Do you get tired during the week?”

As previously mentioned in my ramblings, I’m a stay at home dad and care for Jake during the week.  On the weekends Mom steps in so I can read comics, nap, climb trees and do other guy type activities.

One Saturday I passed Mom in the kitchen while Jake was rolling around on the floor.

“Do you get tired during the week?”, she asked. 

“Yes, I’m exhausted during the week and it’s all because of this energy sponge, just sucking our lifeforce”, I said.  I knew that she was joking because she was getting beat down by the 29 week old  screamapillar that I see during the week.  It’s ironic, that the reason for the daddy blog is often the reason that I can’t work or create things for the daddy blog.

However, my off comment about the lifeforce being sucked out of me triggered a memory about a movie that I used to love as a kid.

Ask yourself, what if Species were filmed 12 years earlier, Continue reading “Do you get tired during the week?”

The Tooth Fairy took my man card

The other night Mommy Mojo and I were relaxing at home.  It had been an exhausting day and we decided to rent something from our shortlist queue of movies that aren’t too objectionable for either of us.  The Tooth Fairy was on that list.

Dwayne “Can you smell what The Rock is Cookin” Johnson,  plays an almost over the hill hockey player who is infamous for knocking out other player’s teeth.  He’s dating a single mom (Ashley Judd) with two children, the younger of which is losing some teeth.  Hockey player casts doubts on the tooth fairy, has to serve time being one-while occassionally playing hockey and being a daddy role model to the Judd’s older son. 

Hilarity, romance ensue, cue the suprise casting by Seth MacFarline and Billy Crystal, fade out with a lesson learned for everybody involved.   The Rock was good for what it was, as was, Ashley Judd-who was almost unrecognizeable, did she have plastic surgery or something?  She didn’t need plastic surgery, if she had it as she was always super cute and fun to watch in any of her damsel in distress movies with Morgan Freeman.  Bottom line, The Tooth Fairy was a semi enjoyable, Lifetime movie masquerading as a vechicle for The Rock that could’ve easily been shown on any number of cable networks. 

There you go dads, I just saved you rental fee and ninety minutes.    Having said that, this was my first time seeing such a movie now that I have a child.

So lets look at the movie from the perspective of a father Continue reading The Tooth Fairy took my man card

The 40 million year old paper weight-Sand dollars in the Sahara

Mothers and wives sometimes don’t see the value in what guys or growing boys have.  Sometimes it’s a collection, a piece of clothing or a thing that looks like an old rock. For me it started with a concert tee for Oingo Boingo, who I had seen in concert at an outdoor festival.  That was early 80s new wave at its best, even today Boingo’s music sounds great thanks in part to Danny Elfman and their tight rhythm.  Their frantic, multi layered music captured the sensibilities of a hyperactive teenage boy perfectly. Continue reading The 40 million year old paper weight-Sand dollars in the Sahara

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