Awkward questions from children: Daddy, what’s in your willy?

The many questions that a 4 year old asks are the stuff of legend.  Sometimes the questions from children will be earnest and straight forward.  It’s those other times when your children ask questions that are unexpected, innocent or just downright weird.

We were in a large big box shopping center the other day and I had to go to the bathroom.  In my shopping cart I had a 2 and 4 year old child.  The 4 year old was semi-laying in the big area while his younger brother was sitting upright facing me as I pushed his chariot.

As I was in the bathroom stall my oldest said to me, “Daddy, what’s in your willy”?

I swear this was my actual response.  “Well, my willy is actually just a muscle and the pee is coming out through the urethra.”

Initially I second guessed myself using ‘urethra”.  However, I remembered that most of our pets have had urinary tract infections and that it was indeed the urethra that the urine traveled through.  While my high school biology had failed me, the years of owning cats and dogs had paid off in the Costco bathroom.

He looked at me for a millisecond and then said, “Is that lemonade?”

I assured him that it was not lemonade and the only reason he should ever mistake it for that is if he’s ever camping with Bear Grylls or stung by a jellyfish.

It was also at the moment I was very thankful to have boys.  While we would’ve been thankful to have boys or girls, that interlude in the bathroom reinforced why I was happy to have boys.

In my mind I imagined our 4 year old daughter asking the same question.  While my answer would’ve been the same to an extent I have no idea how I would’ve explained her parts to her.

We would’ve come up with the child friendly name by now and the only idea I would’ve had is V-jay jay.  “Well you see, Sondra Rhimes used it once on her show and then Oprah said it on a rope swing and that’s what you have.  Part of your V-jay jay rhymes with a girl’s name that was made famous by a Seinfeld episode and that liquid is definitely not lemonade.”

Earlier in the store I needed to get body shampoo.  He was in the basket and as curious as ever.

“What’s that?”

“It’s body shampoo”, I said.

“What’s that?” he asked again.

“Body shampoo is soap for your body, but it’s easier to use than soap and smells nicer”, I said.

I had ignored my rule of answer thinking like a lawyer when speaking to our child.  I also didn’t pay attention to our volume and several older couples near us were chuckling.

“You go dad”, one of them said as we passed.  And we did, we went to the bathroom where our son learned about the urethra and I was thankful to avoid the lessons about Deloris.