Daddy Mojo

Kids absolutely love Hotel Transylvania. Our 8 year old tolerated the first one the first time he saw it and has grown to love the second one. Hotel Transylvania 3 is his movie du summer. For him, Hotel Transylvania 3 is what being an 8 year old kid is about. It’s got monsters, laughs, familiar characters; just enough scares to be OK for any parent and twists that he imagines will entertain him for hours. For the elementary set that description is 100% accurate.

Hotel Transylvania 3 starts in the castle with Drac and his friends running the inn. Mavis and Johnny‘s son Dennis is growing up, their dog is as big as a dragon and Drac is seriously stressed out. Mavis books a vacation for Drac and their friends are inexplicably along for the ride. Apparently where Drac goes all monsters must follow, but this is the adult in me thinking. For this film your elementary school id needs to be in complete and total control.

<id drives>

Now that an 8 year old is controlling the ship-let’s have a montage of monster clichés that anybody over 15 has already seen! We’ll include some of these in the trailer, like the skeleton pulling up a table and then all of the food going through his body! But, we’ll extend it to about five minutes then, divide it into two segments so that short attention span audiences will laugh out loud.

<id smells bacon and sees a kitten outside, leaves to investigate>

Super ego here, driving the bus. Have you parents seen the introduction to Music and Lyrics, Pop Goes My Heart? Do you know that video montage where Hugh Grant cheesily runs with his girlfriend while a series of intentionally camp backgrounds flash behind him? Think of a training sequence from a Rocky film with predictable behavior that one would expect from a character in a situation that they’re in. This is mindless, benign fodder that is the equivalent of a candy bar laced with tryptophan. It’s a trite ploy that lazy film makers use to lull adults into thinking that the kid’s film that they’re watching will actually be entertaining for them. This is what you’ll think of Hotel Transylvania 3.

<id enters the room again and whops super ego over the head with a sack of stale potatoes, rendering him unconscious for 90 minutes>

What a buffoon. I couldn’t stand listening to their nonsense. That film was great! My friends in third grade have wanted to see this since January. I hope we have Mrs. Smith for our teacher this year. Can you believe school starts soon? And that finale!? With the octopus creature rising from the deep that Super Ego said was a Kraken! Awesome ending that I did not see coming!

<Ego thankfully takes control>

To older viewers the Hotel Transylvania series will seem a bit long in the tooth and Hotel Transylvania 3 doesn’t do anything to assuage their beliefs.  The film ends in a manner that the other two films did in that it can provide a jumping off point as a new relationship status between humans and monsters. It was a human, then it was a kid and now it’s a long forgotten grudge that upsets the monster apple cart. When Hotel Transylvania 3 finishes older viewers won’t really care if Drac comes back, but elementary school kids will absolute enthralled. See it as a matinee show and have the kid’s buy their own snacks and this will be a fun day out for all except the one that drove. Your Ego will rationally say that kids need to have their own movie, one that adults won’t try to make too emotional or pack with songs. It’s great for kids to have their own jam. Just tell mom and dad to bide their time until Wreck it Ralph or Toy Story 4 come out to bond with the animated features again.