Daddy Mojo

Big knife pillow talk

The other night Mommy Mojo and I were going to bed. I was about to start reading my book when she had one of her questions that would befuddle Jack Handy.

“Sweetie, I decided that if an intruder comes into the house then I would take Jake, run out the house with my phone and call 911. What would you do?”

“We’ll, if I were stuck in the bedroom then I’d probably get the big knife”, I said.

I thought she knew about the big knife in the bedroom. “We have a big knife in the bedroom!?”, she said. At this point I suspected that my evening reading was probably not going to happen so I rolled out of the bed and proceeded to get the big knife.

It’s kept in my underwear drawer, so that way I can feign getting my socks or underwear when any burglars come in. ‘Oh, one moment Mr. Intruder, let me get some new socks on and I’ll show you where the valuables are…’, then I’d take the knife and get all Steven Segal on that predator.

I take the big knife out of the underwear drawer and my wife says, “Sweetie, that’s the big knife?

I wasn’t sure if I should run out and get the kitchen knife in my underwear drawer or lobby again for guns in the Mojo house.

Granted, in the kitchen, it’s not a big knife, but big is all relative. You put that knife someplace where you’re not expecting a knife, then it’s big. I put a tube of chap stick beside it so you can get a true scale of it’s blade.

Come to find out the big knife is a custom made cutter that can’t be duplicated. It was given to me on my 16th birthday, at the time a rather odd present I thought. My name is engraved on the edge of the blade and it’s something that I can pass down to Baby Mojo; so he can keep it in his underwear drawer when his wife won’t let him get a gun.

Mommy Mojo loves to ask deep questions right when we’re about to go to sleep.

True conversation

Mommy Mojo: Sweetie, would you still love me if I had amnesia?

Daddy Mojo: Yes, sweetie. I’d still love you if you had amnesia and when you asked me why we had 10 dogs I’d say, ‘sweetie, we had 10 dogs before you were sick, you don’t remember them?’

Since my big knife was ridiculed I’m going to lobby for something more effective to fight home intruders with, like a cross-bow. I’ll put a catherine wheel in the corner just in case I need to get all Sir Lancelot on that predator.

Major Tom meets Elvis-A Dad’s vision of late night diapers

When Baby Mojo was really young he reminded me of an astronaut.

It was usually late at night or at a time when I was really sleepy. I would pick him up and he’d look like I imagine a stereo typical astronaut looks. Their legs would be straight and their arms are curved like he’s about to give me a bear hug. One night I needed a mental pick me up and David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” popped into my head. (ed. note. I know Major Tom is technically a Peter Schilling song, but Space Oddity is so much better.)

From then on whenever I had to change Baby Mojo’s nappy at night, I always thought of Major Tom. That was until one night his onesy didn’t fit anymore and that’s when Elvis entered the picture.

Baby Mojo’s onesy didn’t fit anymore. The cute collar flayed out at an uncomfortable angle, the top button didn’t fasten anymore-which made his chest bow out a bit. The bears on the onesy looked out of place, suddenly more like he was wearing a snuggie or a lounge suit.

It was the classic Elvis intro song, See See Rider that stuck in my head too. Great song from his Elvis’ lounge days in Vegas. Those horns and that energy from those recording really pumped me up at the chance to change a diaper at 4:00 in the morning.

After a couple nights of denial we had to cull the wardrobe of all the the clothing that had gotten too tight. The Vegas jump suit gave way to a snuggie that just looked disturbing. Speaking of which, now that I’m a parent, I’m slapping myself for not thinking of the snuggie a couple years ago. I bet you the inventor of the snuggie has children and wanted to bogart off the comfort that our kids have from wearing the onesy.

The lesson that Daddy Mojo learned from this: take more photos of the baby in funny and potentially embarrassing clothing.

Whose day is it anyway?

I know that men aren’t supposed to use ‘sweet’ unless you’re talking about food, but the other day Mommy Mojo came home and said the sweetest thing.

“I just can’t thank you enough for staying home with our son, I know it’s difficult, you put your career on hold and it really means so much to us” And suddenly I was in the middle of a Lifetime movie and the only thing missing was a walk in cameo from Meredith Baxter Birney.

I jest, but it really was a sweet comment that I needed after an especially hard day of baby tantrums. It also helped remind me of how well the arrangement between us works.

During the week, I do most of the things relating to Baby Mojo. Mom may help feed him in morning, or mercifully, help him get dressed, but that’s it. During the weekend Mom has most of the work and I’ll hop in when needed.

Most of the parents around us don’t seem to break up the baby duties along daily lines. For us, it’s a lifesaver: Mom gets loads of quality time on Saturday & Sunday, I can relax, listen to my 70’s Soft Rock Pandora stationhttp://bit.ly/56aY61 (it rocks, in a mellow 70s way and is great for all Dads) or go for a bike ride.

The weekend off helps me get my Mojo back, gives Mom her maternal Mojo and starts Monday off on the right foot for a good week of parenting.

That’s one of the unexpected things about being a dad, I think I’ve learned to share more. My procrastination has also gotten a little better, partially because of the fact that my new 18 pound client won’t take “no” for an answer.

Can't we all just get along?

In a previous life I did communications, PR and management for an animal shelter. It was a fascinating job that let me experience the best and worst of humanity.

Sometimes people who adopted a pet are no longer able to care for them. Sometimes it’s a valid reason and sometimes people are just lazy or looking to hot potato a problem.

“We just had a child and don’t have time”, was

the main reason that folks gave when they had to surrender a pet. I totally understand the time required in raising a child. However if you really want to keep the pet it can be done.

Prior to Baby Mojo coming home we brought a blanket that had his scent to the dogs. That didn’t seem to have any bearing on how they treated him when he arrived.

Abby, the female black retriever was very interested and had to be beside Baby Mojo as much as possible. Whenever he cried, Abby had to be there, it was very cute. Wilson, the golden retriever showed affection, but didn’t seek out Baby Mojo.

We knew that our dogs were very affectionate and had been very well socialized. Prior to bringing home your child ask yourself honestly, how well socialized is my dog? You can socialize a dog, but that takes time. If you start early, take your dog to the park and doggie daycares that will help with their socialization. If it’s an advanced socialization issue I’d consult a trainer.

Aggression is a totally different issue. If you know that you have an aggressive dog then they have to be dealt with immediately. An aggressive dog is not only a worry for your own home, but for the community around you.

Dogs may act out with children because they are scared, excited, sick or protecting their property.

If you’re not sure about how your dog is with children try taking their toys away. Was the dog apprehensive, calm, scared, tail wagging or did they growl? How is your dog when they’re scared? What scares them? You know how your dog behaves and probably have an idea of how they’ll be around children.

You parents should never, and I mean never leave your child alone with your dog.

Some dog owners will be in denial about how social, friendly or just how big of a liability they have in their house. It seems odd to state that as it’s obvious to us, however, if you have any reservations about going to a house because of their dogs you should make that sentiment known to the home owners or do not visit.

Cats are a different matter. They’ll most likely hide from the child.

Our cats came out from under the bed occasionally at first and now they walk around like they own the place.

We still make time for all of our pets and it works out great. Having a child does not automatically mean that you have to get rid of your pet. A cat or dog can be a healthy addition to your family by teaching your child basic responsibilities.

Ultimately you are responsible for the pet though. If your child wants a pet and you’re getting the pet ‘for them’, remember that you’ll be doing all the work. Your child will certainly assist to some degree, be it getting their food or basic tasks that make your child part of the pet experience.

Rehoming or surrendering a pet is also a very difficult thing to do. There is no magic barn in the country for your cat and if your dog is the greatest in the world why aren’t you keeping them? If you surrender your pet to a local animal control office they could be euthanized after 3-7 business days. Humane societies are most often full and can’t accept pets on your schedule.

It’s no easy choice if you have to surrender a pet. Unless the pet is aggressive, you can make the pet and your children get along in the same house. If you’ve run the gamut on ideas and you’re having a problem, chat with your local humane society or a trainer.

Get yr card on

Check with your local library to see when they have theirs — Kermit is just screaming for you to read to your child

The other week I was at a coffee house meeting some people for work. I brought along Baby Mojo because it was around his nap time.

The diaper bag, my favorite new accessory, had the staples, a bottle, change of outfit, wipes, diapers, snacks for Dad, a toy for Baby and my book from library.

I arrived early because I wanted to A. Leave the house, B. Relax and C. See if the change in scenery would lull Baby Mojo quicker than usual. Thankfully, the new environment did just the trick and I got a soda, doughnut and waited for everybody else.

One of them arrived shortly thereafter when I was reading. “Wow, is that a library book? I haven’t been to the library in ages. You never see them anymore!”, she said. I wanted to reply with something smarmy like ‘yeah, since they don’t have The Jersey Shore available yet I don’t go either, this is my wife’s book’.

However, sensing that I was in a different demographic then her, I wisely reconsidered my retort.

Libraries do rock, but there is an age, i.e., after college and before parenthood, that people never and I mean never set foot in them. We’ve been frequent visitors to our local library and they have loads of resources that can help children and families.

They sell books too. It’ll probably be on the first Saturday of every month, check with yours to see when they sell overstock or slightly damaged books for .50 and up. Also, twice a year your local county may have a huge book sale with thousands of books and media. Either of these choices is an excellent opportunity to set up your own ‘library’ at your house.

If you’re thirst for books needs immediate attention here are some tips that we’ve discovered.

-Independent book stores. These are great places to troll because they too will sell gently used books. Granted they’ll cost just a bit more than the library sales, but they’ll be far cheaper than new.

-Yard Sales. Unfortunately these are seasonal and require much more effort to locate. However, once you get there the sellers can be highly motivated.

-Consignment Sales. Usually these are dozens of families, a neighborhood or a church that pool a very large supply of clothing, toys and books. These can be great, if you plan accordingly. Our plan is to go early on the first day and early on the last day. On the last day most of the merchandise is 50% off, so you can be a bit less picky about what you get. It’s the opposite on the first day as you’ll pay full consignment prices, but you’ll get first selection. Also, take a stroller, that way you can keep your baby mojo in there and use the storage space for stuff you want to buy.

Our own Baby Mojo likes pop up books and any book that has photos of construction, tools, animals or the outdoors. Read aloud and shop well!

Mojo Went a-courting

100 years of a slow, slow drip — Would that hurt if it fell on me?

How people meet and fall in love can sometimes be an interesting, funny or embarrassing story.

Given that the name of the blog is Daddy Mojo, and not single guy on the corner mojo, you know that the story had a happy ending. However, I’ll share a quick story that, were we at a party together my Wife would be quick to tell you herself. This way I can get credit for telling the story while sanitizing it just a bit to save my dignity.

These pictures are what used to be my old house-after it was renovated. It really is an old house, built in 1908 and partially renovated by me, everything except the ceilings, subfloor and roof, you know, the expensive stuff.

Being a single guy I didn’t have too much in the way of creature comforts that would woo the women.

I did have:

A futon
A nice mountain bike
A lawn mower
Lots of power tools
A sofa and television
A couple plates, glasses and utensils
Two cats
One Dog

“Creature comforts” is an apt phrase. The animals were used to sleeping in the futon with me. I found it comforting when the cats would sleep on my feet, but they just seemed to wake her up. So the animals only lasted one night when girlfriend mojo entered the picture. The futon was placed on the floor, not on a bed frame; and you’ll note that a vacuum cleaner wasn’t included in my list of assets, so there was no shortage of pet fur anywhere in the house.

One spring day I cleaned the house by opening up all the doors and windows and plugging in the leaf blower. My neighbor said that he saw “plumes of fur” flying out of the house and wondered what was going on.

The sofa and television were in the living room. This was one of the few rooms that had an intact ceiling…

The rest of what I owned was in the living room, that’s the green room with the 10 foot section of plaster missing and a larger section of it dangling down. The living room was a certified disaster and I credit (now) Mommy Mojo for not running away forever.

The section of plaster that fell down happened one night with a thunderous boom. I was thankful that it didn’t fall down on an animal and promptly cleaned it up the next day.
So now the living room looks like a wasteland, heat or air goes immediately into the attic and there is always the threat of being knocked unconscious by a piece of plaster dangling from the ceiling.
The lawn mower was also kept in that room. To me it was no big deal, but Mommy Mojo apparently had a huge fear of spontaneous combustion. The short term solution was to move it to the laundry room, I suggested killing all the grass, but she didn’t like that idea too much either.

I’m guessing that the 18 pound boy in the other room means that she forgave me for the lawnmower in the dining room. One lesson that we’ll teach Baby Mojo is to be clean, girls don’t (normally) tolerate messy guys, at least not to the extent that I was. Daddy Mojo has cleaned up his act much more so than I was, the car is still a bit in progress, but the house is enough to be presentable.

We do still have the problem with pet fur, but now we have a vacuum cleaner, so we don’t need to bring the leave blower inside.

Five little monkeys

One little monkey, sitting on a sign... — Does this sandwich I'm eating make me look fat?

While I was teaching ESL I was a master of children’s songs. Itsy Bitsy, How’s the Weather-all of them I could bust out at a moment’s notice when the crowd started to get fussy.

One of the classics I discovered was Five Little Monkeys. No doubt you parents know this song, but if you don’t it can certainly calm down one irritable toddler. In a classroom setting this song is great because it’s active, the children can yell, jump and move around.

The other day little Jake, all 18 pounds of him was in a tizzy. A full blown, teething mess of baby that could not be quelled by any of the usual tricks. The Wheels on the Bus were just coming off and I reached into my pocket and started Five Little Monkeys.

Immediately we had success! The red faced, 10 octave, screamapiller had been replaced by the baby who can make any parent melt.

All was good and well, baby meltdown averted (or at least curtailed) and we were clear to proceed to bedtime. My parenting genius affirmed and thankful for my mad rhyming ability I sauntered downstairs to relax.

Come the next morning I get out of bed and notice a newfound tenderness to my groin. In my zeal to maintain the monkeys jumping, i.e., me lifting up the baby and bringing him down on my lap; I realized that I may have been a bit too forceful in his descent.

While there weren’t any baby sized foot prints or bruises on my lower stomach, thighs or groin; I immediately knew that his teeny, tiny feet had pounced one too many times in a geographically sensitive area.

The lesson for this Stay At Home Dad: Be gentle when singing Five Little Monkeys if you want to have any more little monkeys.

Also, get familiar yourself with a greater variety of children’s songs-I’m a Little Teapot, Itsy Bitsy, etc. We still do Five Little Monkey, just a bit slower, with his feet touching the sofa or ground, instead of dad.