But wait, there's more call now

Years ago I made a vowed never to buy anything directly from an infomercial.  The only time I strayed is when I bought the Sham Wows and in that case I went to their website; also it was a gift for somebody, so technically that didn’t count.

I’m sure that some of the products advertised are well made and things that the family can genuinely use.  The untimely death of Billy Mays has certainly helped ease any temptation that I had to order directly from the television.  Say what you will about that particular advertising medium, but that man could pitch a product like nobody’s business.

My current favorite infomercial is the Booty Pop.  It’s so surreal that you have to look twice at the television to be certain you’re seeing what you think you are.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4EvVErNhVE&feature=player_embedded]

If I were being totally honest with myself (and isn’t that purpose of a blog?) then I’d also be on my keyboard right now ordering those teach your child to read DVD’s.

As a former teacher I want to teach my child to read at the earliest age possible, but there is just something about that product that makes me uneasy.  

The clips that I saw on television looked instantly dated.   I want Baby Mojo to know what a how much bread it takes for the far out box social.   The teaching principles they talked about seemed sound, but my infomercial ban and that uneasy feeling won out. 

I’m still teaching Baby Mojo to read, just a bit more traditionally, with basic Dr. Seuss books, some flash cards and the occasional tickle break. 

My brother-in-law did lean into me about the flash cards.  Granted, Baby Mojo is very young, he likes to hold them and that’s about it.  However, if this early immersion gives him a quick start so much the better.

If anybody has a positive child reading program story I’d love to hear it.  Not that it would definitely change my mind but it would certainly give us something to think on.

Big knife pillow talk

The other night Mommy Mojo and I were going to bed.  I was about to start reading my book when she had one of her questions that would befuddle Jack Handy.

“Sweetie, I decided that if an intruder comes into the house then I would take Jake, run out the house with my phone and call 911.  What would you do?”

“We’ll, if I were stuck in the bedroom then I’d probably get the big knife”, I said.

I thought she knew about the big knife in the bedroom.  “We have a big knife in the bedroom!?”, she said.  At this point I suspected that my evening reading was probably not going to happen so I rolled out of the bed and proceeded to get the big knife. 

It’s kept in my underwear drawer, so that way I can feign getting my socks or underwear when any burglars come in.  ‘Oh, one moment Mr. Intruder, let me get some new socks on and I’ll show you where the valuables are…’, then I’d take the knife and get all Steven Segal on that predator.

I take the big knife out of the underwear drawer and my wife says, “Sweetie, that’s the big knife?You call that a knife eh...

I wasn’t sure if I should run out and get the kitchen knife in my underwear drawer or lobby again for guns in the Mojo house.

Granted, in the kitchen, it’s not a big knife, but big is all relative.  You put that knife someplace where you’re not expecting a knife, then it’s big.  I put a tube of chap stick beside it so you can get a true scale of it’s blade.

Come to find out the big knife is a custom made cutter that can’t be duplicated.  It was given to me on my 16th birthday, at the time a rather odd present I thought.   My name is engraved on the edge of the blade and it’s something that I can pass down to Baby Mojo; so he can keep it in his underwear drawer when his wife won’t let him get a gun. 

Mommy Mojo loves to ask deep questions right when we’re about to go to sleep.

True conversation

Mommy Mojo:  Sweetie, would you still love me if  I had amnesia?

Daddy Mojo:  Yes, sweetie.  I’d still love you if you had amnesia and when you asked me why we had 10 dogs I’d say, ‘sweetie, we had 10 dogs before you were sick, you don’t remember them?’

Since my big knife was ridiculed I’m going to lobby for something more effective to fight home intruders with, like a cross-bow.  I’ll put a catherine wheel in the corner just in case I need to get all Sir Lancelot on that predator.

Major Tom meets Elvis-A Dad’s vision of late night diapers

When Baby Mojo was really young he reminded me of an astronaut. 

It was usually late at night or at a time when I was really sleepy.  I would pick him up and he’d look like I imagine a stereo typical astronaut looks.  Their legs would be straight and their arms are curved like he’s about to give me a bear hug.  One night I needed a mental pick me up and David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” popped into my head.  (ed. note.  I know Major Tom is technically a Peter Schilling song, but Space Oddity is so much better.)

From then on whenever I had to change Baby Mojo’s nappy at night, I always thought of Major Tom.  That was until one night his onesy didn’t fit anymore and that’s when Elvis entered the picture.

Baby Mojo’s onesy didn’t fit anymore.  The cute collar flayed out at an uncomfortable angle, the top button didn’t fasten anymore-which made his chest bow out a bit.  The bears on the onesy looked out of place, suddenly more like he was wearing a snuggie or a lounge suit.

It was the classic Elvis intro song, See See Rider that stuck in my head too.  Great song from his Elvis’ lounge days in Vegas.  Those horns and that energy from those recording really pumped me up at the chance to change a diaper at 4:00 in the morning.

After a couple  nights of denial we had to cull the wardrobe of all the the clothing that had gotten too tight.  The Vegas jump suit gave way to a snuggie that just looked disturbing.  Speaking of which, now that I’m a parent, I’m slapping myself for not thinking of the snuggie a couple years ago.  I bet you the inventor of the snuggie has children and wanted to bogart off the comfort that our kids have from wearing the onesy.

The lesson that Daddy Mojo learned from this:  take more photos of the baby in funny and potentially embarrassing clothing.

Whose day is it anyway?

I know that men aren’t supposed to use ‘sweet’ unless you’re talking about food, but the other day Mommy Mojo came home and said the sweetest thing.

“I just can’t thank you enough for staying home with our son, I know it’s difficult, you put your career on hold and it really means so much to us”  And suddenly I was in the middle of a Lifetime movie and the only thing missing was a walk in cameo from Meredith Baxter Birney.

I jest, but it really was a sweet comment that I needed after an especially hard day of baby tantrums.  It also helped remind me of how well the arrangement between us works.

During the week, I do most of the things relating to Baby Mojo.  Mom may help feed him in morning, or mercifully, help him get dressed, but that’s it.  During the weekend Mom has most of the work and I’ll hop in when needed.

Most of the parents around us don’t seem to break up the baby duties along daily lines.  For us, it’s a lifesaver:  Mom gets loads of quality time on Saturday & Sunday, I can relax, listen to my 70’s Soft Rock Pandora stationhttp://bit.ly/56aY61 (it rocks, in a mellow 70s way and is great for all Dads)  or go for a bike ride.

The weekend off helps me get my Mojo back, gives Mom her maternal Mojo and starts Monday off on the right foot for a good week of parenting.   

That’s one of the unexpected things about being a dad, I think I’ve learned to share more.  My procrastination has also gotten a little better, partially because of the fact that my new 18 pound client won’t take “no” for an answer.

Can't we all just get along?

Ripley and Johnny, the Cats

In a previous life I did communications, PR and management for an animal shelter.  It was a fascinating job that let me experience the best and worst of humanity.

Sometimes people who adopted a pet are no longer able to care for them.  Sometimes it’s a valid reason and sometimes people are just lazy or looking to hot potato a problem.

“We just had a child and don’t have time”, was

Wilson and Abby, the Dogsthe main reason that folks gave when they had to surrender a pet.  I totally understand the time required in raising a child.  However if you really want to keep the pet it can be done.

Prior to Baby Mojo coming home we brought a blanket that had his scent to the dogs.  That didn’t seem to have any bearing on how they treated him when he arrived. 

Abby, the female black retriever was very interested and had to be beside Baby Mojo as much as possible.  Whenever he cried, Abby had to be there, it was very cute.  Wilson, the golden retriever showed affection, but didn’t seek out Baby Mojo.

We knew that our dogs were very affectionate and had been very well socialized.  Prior to bringing home your child ask yourself honestly, how well socialized is my dog?  You can socialize a dog, but that takes time.  If you start early, take your dog to the park and doggie daycares that will help with their socialization.  If it’s an advanced socialization issue I’d consult a trainer. 

  • Aggression is a totally different issue.  If you know that you have an aggressive dog then they have to be dealt with immediately.  An aggressive dog is not only a worry for your own home, but for the community around you.

Dogs may act out with children because they are scared, excited, sick or protecting their property. 

If you’re not sure about how your dog is with children try taking their toys away.  Was the dog apprehensive, calm, scared, tail wagging or did they growl?  How is your dog when they’re scared?  What scares them?  You know how your dog behaves and probably have an idea of how they’ll be around children.

  • You parents should never, and I mean never leave your child alone with your dog.  

Some dog owners will be in denial about how social, friendly or just how big of a liability they have in their house.  It seems odd to state that as it’s obvious to us, however, if you have any reservations about going to a house because of their dogs you should make that sentiment known to the home owners or do not visit.

Cats are a different matter.  They’ll most likely hide from the child. 

Our cats came out from under the bed occasionally at first and now they walk around like they own the place.

We still make time for all of our pets and it works out great.  Having a child does not automatically mean that you have to get rid of your pet.  A cat or dog can be a healthy addition to your family by teaching your child basic responsibilities.

Ultimately you are responsible for the pet though.  If your child wants a pet and you’re getting the pet ‘for them’, remember that you’ll be doing all the work.    Your child will certainly assist to some degree, be it getting their food or basic tasks that make your child part of the pet experience. 

Rehoming or surrendering a pet is also a very difficult thing to do.  There is no magic barn in the country for your cat and if your dog is the greatest in the world why aren’t you keeping them?  If you surrender your pet to a local animal control office they could be euthanized after 3-7 business days.  Humane societies are most often full and can’t accept pets on your schedule.

It’s no easy choice if you have to surrender a pet.  Unless the pet is aggressive, you can make the pet and your children get along in the same house.  If you’ve run the gamut on ideas and you’re having a problem, chat with your local humane society or a trainer.

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